Felpham Toilets Poem

I needed to go for a wee in lovely Felpham By The Sea

I’d walked for miles and had a natter but now the  pressure on my bladder

Said ‘Get a move on or you’ll find surprises of a sudden kind’.

My pace picked up and I walked quite fast not knowing how long I could last

Before I needed to be free of pressures that were paining me

I reached the beach huts, welcome sight…Oh no Hell’s Bells…This can’t be right

The doors were locked, the bars were too…No access to that precious loo

Distress and pain, anger and grief…No…Oh no…Now where to find relief?

The nearest toilet far away…Could I make it to Carbuncle Bay?

Human beings all have to wee…Elderly and frail have greater need

In winter when the cold winds blow we have the strongest need to go

Should we forsake our lovely shores and spend these months locked up indoors?

The call of nature all must heed but Arun District Council has decreed

That we may only pee in summer…I’ve never heard a dictat dumber

I’m sure they all have access to a clean and warm and cosy loo

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What would you have us taxpayers do when we can’t find an open loo?

Should we all stand in line and pee into our lovely Sussex sea

Dear Arun District Council can’t you see…You really are taking the pee